solace within

Tuesday, July 04, 2006
lalala

Music- Mariah Carrey. A random statement: I just realised after watching her MTV that her boobs look err fake. hope I don't get sued for that statement. heehee.

At abt 7 pm today, I watched this show called Strong Medicine. It's very inspiring, so do catch it if you have cable. It's on chnl 17. Err anyway, it taught me quite a lot and it well reminded yours truely of certain goals I had set but forgotten about their true meanings. oh well.

Oh and I'm being stared at in the face with this big fat dilemna. I have to make a permanent decision in about 4 days and for those who do know what I'm taking about, good for you. Meanwhile, I'll just talk about one of the things in question around the bush.

Scenario 1:
I have a wonderful status at church for a fifteen-year-old since a couple of years back. I serve in my dream department, take part in programmes meant for people older than me just because I say that I can't fit with the youth group. All that respect! Even though I'm dead quiet there, at least people respect me, more than in school. bloody school. I have so much to do there, I'm even waiting to become an interpreter. On the pulpit with the pastor! It's just so wonderful!!!!

Scenario 2:
On a lovely monday evening, my cello teacher calls me and tells me of this performance she wants to put me into. it's "compulsory" and I think to myself how this is a replacement for that lost chance in the world of western music. Y'know, give it all up, throw all my eggs into a basket. But the thing is that it means not going to church for more than a month. My dad isn't happy, but Ms Stubborn WILL have her way if she wants it. I WANT THIS CHANCE!

I don't know what's holding me back; everytime I think of this whole thing, my heart beats so fast that I can't breathe.

It's simply because I know that if I follow my dreams, I will be killing my soul slowly. I know what I have today is all given by God and not wanting to please Him will cause my eventual downfall.

I can't have my pie AND eat it, so meanwhile, I'll rot away in the tresses of doom. tralalala.

I mumbled to myself not to mumble ever again- 5:06 AM

0 Comments: